A young man married a beautiful woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband to “Please be gentle; I’m still a Virgin”. “What?” said the puzzled groom. “How can that be if you’ve been married ten times?” “Well, husband #1 was a Sales Representative; he kept telling [...]
Author Archive > harpoonlouis
Not rearing pigs for a living
I don’t know if this is a real piece of correspondence but it could well be…. This is a copy of a letter sent to David Miliband: From: NIGEL JOHNSON-HILL, PARKFARM, MILLAND, LIPHOOK GU30 7JT, UK Rt Hon David Miliband MP Secretary of State Department for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs (DEFRA) Nobel House 17 [...]
The unstoppable virus
I thought you would want to know about this e-mail virus. Even the most advanced programs from Norton or McAfee cannot take care of this one. It appears to affect those who were born prior to 1960. Symptoms: 1. Causes you to send the same e-mail twice. Done that! 2. Causes you to send a [...]
Darling Brown joke.
Gordon Brown called Alastair Darling into his office one day and said, ‘Alastair, I have the answer to Cameron. We’re going to win back Middle England’. ‘Brilliant, PM! What’s the plan?’ said Darling. ‘Well’ said Brown ‘we’ll get ourselves two of those long Barbour coats, some proper wellies, a stick and a flat cap – [...]
Clarkson’s Gaydar goes bingly bong!
Apparently the Sunday Times didn’t want this contribution so we have unashamedly borrowed it. If Mr Clarson wants it taken down then fair do’s otherwise consider that we are lending the oppressed some free web space. “Get me a rope before Mandelson wipes us all out” I’ve given the matter a great deal of thought [...]
Did you read these and hear Tommy Cooper?
To the best of my knowledge Tommy Cooper never used any of these gags but when I read them I could only do it in his distinctive voice, how weird is that. Does that makes him immortal or just bloody irritating? I met this bloke with a didgeridoo and he was playing Dancing Queen on [...]
In pieces over this
Mazzy Starr fans will be pleased to know Hope Sandoval & The Warm Inventions released Through The Devil Softly on September 29, 2009! Bliss
Recession, The Cause of Domestic Strife
Husband and wife are shopping in Tesco’s when the man picks up a crate of Stella and sticks them into the trolley What do you think you’re doing?’ asks the wife ‘They’re on offer, only £10 for 24 cans’, he says Put them back. We can’t afford it,’ says the wife and they carry on [...]
